Just a small town dinosaur. Hisoka's hair styler


HxH episode 118 observations/commentary


A few observations about ep 118 that might, or might not, be followed up with visual evidence post(s):

  • Our friend Youpi has graduated from being noodly to being balloony;
  • Shoot is like fungus - he grows on you when you aren’t looking;
  • Killua’s muscles are really inconsistent and make me…

You touched on some interesting points there, but I’m going to have to disagree with some of them.

I don’t agree with the word “regressed”. And let me start the journey of telling you why.

Meeting Gon was Killua’s catalyst to change his ways. He always kept his violent side out of Gon’s sight unless he had outside ‘permission’ to go wild.

It’s true that Killua changed his ways, but that doesn’t necessary mean he himself changed. Killua is never seen keeping his violent side out of Gon’s sight, if that happened, then it wasn’t purposeful. It just happened that Gon hardly saw that side of Killua. Killua wasn’t trying to hide it. Killua changed his ways as in he stopped resorting to violence as a way to solve a problem. That doesn’t mean he wholeheartedly embraced clean living. The way Killua changed is: He doesn’t kill when he wants to. He kills when necessary.

Killua didn’t kill Sadaso and his gang in Heavens Arena because it wasn’t necessary. Also, because it’s not smart to try to take three relatively strong nen-users when you’re a nen-newbie. He didn’t kill Sadaso the second time because it was also not necessary. The way I see it, it is more brutal to scare someone into oblivion and force them to succumb to your way. That is how Killua handled Sadaso. That is the only time we saw Killua using other means than physical violence. But he still mentally abused Sadaso and that I also consider violence.

It wasn’t necessary to kill that Bomber either. In fact, I don’t see how Killua would like to appear merciful to Gon by not killing that Bomber dude, when Gon himself wasn’t showing any mercy to Genthru. You’re implying that Killua looks up to Gon because Gon always reverts to the non-violent way, but that is not true. Gon doesn’t use violence only when he doesn’t feel like it, when it’s not a part of his plan. He doesn’t do it because he is moral. Gon cannot be considered moral. He certainly cannot be considered a moral example to follow. Gon is seen ready to deceive, remain indifferent, and come up with indecent ways to win. Gon flat-out used the word “destroy” in front of Melereon.

On the other hand, Killua found it necessary to kill that assassin army of Ants in episode 100. And he did it without blinking, without hesitation. He hardly hesitated in killing the Ortho Sibling when he had the chance. He yo-yo punched two Ants’ heads off when they were a threat to Ikalgo. What I want to say, Killua has no qualms about killing when he finds it necessary.

Killua is influenced by Gon, yes. He is influenced by Gon’s “light”, Gon’s ability to see the light at the end of the tunnel, Gon’s ability to stand stronger than before after he falls. He is influenced by the way Gon influences others. But Killua doesn’t always approve of Gon’s agenda. Killua isn’t as influenced by Gon on the action level as he is influenced by the emotional/mental level. Killua doesn’t follow Gon’s Playbook of Plans and Problem-solving.

Underneath Gon’s influence, the Zoldyck assassin still exists. The same Zoldyck assassin that Killua has tried suppressing for those same 2 years in order to be ‘worthy’ in Gon’s eyes.

Killua did not change his style to be worthy in Gon’s eyes, because Gon saw Killua worthy no matter what style he had. Gon didn’t care if Killua was an assassin or a nuclear bomb maker. Gon thought that Killua was worthy either way. Killua didn’t embrace clean living to impress Gon and he didn’t do it to earn Gon’s “acceptance”. Killua did it solely for himself.

Gon wasn’t there when Killua saved Zushi. Killua wanted to keep that a secret. Gon wasn’t there when Killua showed mercy to Ikalgo, and I’m sure Killua didn’t announce when he got back. The point is, Killua wasn’t doing these good deeds to look good. He was doing it to feel good.

Killua doesn’t want to live up to his family’s expectations. It’s as simple— and as complicated—as that. He doesn’t want to believe that being an assassin is all he is capable of being, no, he is capable of not resorting to his assassin way. He doesn’t want to believe that his potential has a limit, and that limit is decided by his family. No, Killua doesn’t want to be held back by his family’s expectations of who he should be and where he should go and what he should do. He doesn’t want his family’s teachings to control the way he reacts to situations. He doesn’t want to be judged by the way he was raised to be. He wants to be judged by the way he chooses to be. Killua wants to have his own style. That is the reason why he left the Zoldycks in the first place. He didn’t stop trying to live up to his family’s expectations only to live up to Gon’s expectations instead. None of that. Killua doesn’t want to be held back by others. He wants to make his own choices. He doesn’t want his choices to be just one: kill or run.

It’s true that Killua is selfless but not to the point where every choice he takes is for someone else. Killua didn’t change his ways to fit Gon’s or anyone else’s standards. Killua didn’t become better for Gon. Killua basically realized he was better all along.

And finally.

  • And last but not least and what makes that last couple of minutes feel like a punch to my heart: Killua is regressing.

Killua is not regressing, at all actually.

Killua’s choice for a clean living doesn’t drastically change him, but it does change the way he negotiates the world around him. Killua wants to rise above what he once was—a killer, thorough and thorough—and he wants to prove to others, most importantly to himself, that he’s capable of being his own person. Someone who could make his own choices and not be led by what others want him to be.

And yet still, Killua doesn’t hesitate to take matters into his own hands when necessary. And he won’t feel sorry for it. He won’t think less of himself. Killua hasn’t changed his ways as much as he changed his limits. Now, Killua is the type of guys who are like, “I am occasionally good, but I have a limit. Cross my limit and you’re done for.”

You pointed out that his Zoldyck persona is still there, and that I agree with. Underneath that sweet-toothed, loyal, cheeky, kind side of his character, Killua is also scary, ruthless, and merciless. There are two sides of Killua. One side doesn’t automatically delete the other. They are both Killua and that is why we fell in love with his character. Because he’s an anti-hero ‒ because he’s so beautifully grey ‒ because of the delicious mash-up of light and dark inside him. Showing the dark in him doesn’t regress his character. It just shows that he is a well-developed character with his set of qualities and flaws.

Especially in that scene.

Why should Killua not resort to violence with Youpi? Youpi was not only a threat to the world in that scene, but he was a threat to Knuckle. Killua did what he had to do. How does it regress his character when he is only doing what is legitimately necessary? What is legitimately right?

Needless to say, Killua might have been doing “good” all these arcs. He might have been running the path of decency and patience in giving others a second chance. But he has not gone soft. He is not going to let morality or decency come between him and what he finds necessary or between him and protecting the people he cares about. Which basically amounted to saying that Killua Zoldyck has not gone soft, period—not to the point where it interfered with his overriding, overwhelming urge to survive or protect.

I like how in the anime Killua has a random habit of suddenly looking older than 16 when he feels like it.


#go home Madhouse you’re drunk

Anonymous asked
What or Who inspired you to make your oh-so WONDERFUL story? :D

Aw, thanks anon! Books, music, friends, crazy brain, random people, but mostly books. 

Anonymous asked
O gahd. I just love NSFW Killua :">



Chelsea Handler talks about what it’s like to watch a kill on an African safari. 





This scene is reason #8739789789897 to LOVE Bobby Singer

Reason why Bobby Singer is 4309572093572x the father that John Winchester ever was.

(Source: bringmeknitting)

Anonymous asked
Thank you for your answer. I don't know how you do it, but no matter what you say, it always sounds reasonable to me in one way or another. So, there's another thing I've been thinking about. Silva has declared that Killua will definitely return home one day to become the heir of the Zoldyck family - and he seemed to be awfully confident about it, that's why he allowed Killua to be free in the first place. Looking at Killua now, who has grown quite a bit since he left, what do you think?

I think Killua is never going to return. He is now confident in what he has and what he will become. Unless he suddenly decides to be an assassin again, nothing can make Killua go back to become the heir if he doesn’t want to. And I don’t see Killua wanting that, at all. When Silva said that, he knew about Illumi’s needle and he knew the effect it’d have on Killua’s thoughts. That’s why, before letting his son leave, Silva made sure to make Killua promise to never betray his friends, because Silva knew that the needle would make Killua do just that. Silva knew Killua would someday be so afraid to face a superior opponent which would result in him betraying a friend and returning home in misery. Silva was just another manipulative parent who had very little faith in his son’s will power. You see that in his smug laugh at the end of that episode. Of course, Killua proved him, and the rest of his family, wrong. That’s why I’m not worried about Killua having any qualms about becoming an assassin again. He is simply too strong to succumb to anyone else’s will but his own. Zeno was right when he said that Killua has matured. He is no longer the person they raised him to be, he is his own person now.

Anonymous asked
What do you think about Killua's jealousy of Gon in the fifth exam? A few moments before he honestly admitted that he wanted to be friends with Gon, he appeared to be confused at Gon's peculiar attitude and was more or less jealous that he was considered to have less potential as a Hunter than him. Usually, this is moment when the developing friendship gradually turns into rivalry (see f.e. Naruto/Sasuke) but this is different. What do you think?

The way I see it, Killua was jealous of Gon’s natural charisma, his ability to woo people and inspire them and earn their admiration. Just like everybody else, Killua was compelled and curious by Gon. The fact that Gon charmed others so effortlessly, without even trying. Killua, on the other hand, and I’m talking about the Killua during the Exam, didn’t make good first impressions. Unlike Gon, he was not the type that was admired by others, he was not the kid that inspired others. He was the type that repelled others. He was the type people feared and steered away from.

It’s not a question that Gon is more charismatic than Killua. It’s also not a question that Killua has a questionable self-esteem. Another reason why Killua was vexed by the ranking of Netero is because it fueled his insecurities. Killua was always insecure that his brother and father could be right. That he was only assassin material ‒ that the only thing he was best at was being what they wanted him to ‒ that he had no potential to be more. And then Illumi spilled that out for him during their almost-fight. Illumi was cruelty incarnate.

Let’s not forget that Killua in the Exam had Illumi’s needle inside his head, which means he was overly cautious, not so brave, and with confidence issues. And I think Netero saw that. If Biscuit could see it, then the greatest Hunter in the world could see it too. Gon didn’t have years of training, but when push came to shove, he proved his competence. He showed confidence and perseverance in the exams, especially in the way he took Hisoka’s badge. That’s the thing about Gon, when he realizes he can’t do something, he finds another way to compensate his lack of experience. Gon is a trier; he tries and tries and tries. It’s his spirit. He gets his sights focused on something and will just go for it no matter what. While Gon was a go-getter in the Exam, Killua was a quitter. He gave up too easy. And that is practically why he got disqualified. Killua gave up twice, once during the Ball Game and once against Illumi. Netero was right. Killua didn’t have the better potential to be a Hunter because his self-confidence could be shaken and crumbled any second.

Killua knew there was something missing in him, something that he could see in Gon. Killua’s envy towards Gon is certainly the healthy kind. It’s the kind that pushes you into learning and evolving. Killua is never going to stop supporting Gon, helping him develop and hoping the best for him. No. Killua will always support Gon. He doesn’t see Gon as a rival. It’s not rivalry, it can be called a friendly competition. Between friends. It’s natural when two boys of the same age (especially Gon and Killua’s age), two boys who are interested in the same field, compete with each other.

So even though Killua felt jealous of Gon in the fifth exam, that still didn’t stop him from wanting to become friends with Gon and saying it out loud to his brother and every body else. That jealousy might even be one of the reasons Killua wanted to be friends with Gon. In that way of, You’re kind of really cool to me and to everybody. How do you do it? What’s your secret? I want to stay by your side and figure it out.  

Anonymous asked
You were plagiarized before??? How bad was it? That's awful gosh.

Yes once. The author copied the entire first four chapters and did nothing but change the names. It wasn’t so bad because the author was busted after two months. I, personally, found it amusing because the author was writing in the Kuroshitsuji fandom (a Sebastian/OC story) and it’s hilarious since Sebastian and Killua are nothing alike. She practically ripped Killua’s lines and gave them to Sebastian. I have no idea how she assumed they could do/say the same thing or be the same person.

Anonymous asked
Hi Lyra. I was browsing a fanfiction site a while ago, and saw your story,TLN there. Oh and guess what? It was written by someone completely not you. I think it was RRcandy? Or something? Anyways,it's getting a full hit and getting praises. Thought I'd let you know.

Ouch. Well… that happened once before and my readers made the website delete the plagiarized fic before I could do it myself. And now it’s happening again… Jeez. If you could give me a link I could try to do something…?

Anonymous asked
You are the fan who loves killua and ikalgo as much as I do lyra. I wish they had more scenes together.

Same, anon. Look I like Gon and Killua together, even though lately their friendship isn’t taking the healthy turn, but I will never say no to having Gon and Killua working together in my screen.

But I kind of need Killua to make a new friend, okay show? I mean, no one’s ever going to be what Gon, his first friend ever, was to him, but having him meet Ikalgo and later being so emotionally distressed at the end of the arc really highlighted how much I’d like Killua having a buddy. He’s good with friends. He should actually make lots and like, have poker nights fun and stuff. Or go to the movies. Seriously Killua going to the movies would make my life. And not like some fancy outdoor HxH extravaganza. The regular movies. With popcorn. And silliness.

I want my Leorio and Killua bro flick.

Misa: *tracks down Kira before anyone else does*

Misa: *uses Shinigami Eyes to help Light*

Misa: *uses cuteness to deceive people*

Misa: *refuses to confess anything about Kira even under torture*

Misa: *tricks Higuchi into admitting he's Kira*